Mother Seeking Divorce Asks Chicago Sun Times Advice Columnist if She Should Tell Adult Children about Husband’s Affairs – Should Divorcing Parents Give Kids the Scoop about Reasons for Ending the Marriage?

There is no doubt that there is no true “playbook” for how to handle the various and serious issues that come up during a Chicago divorce. From child custody issues, to alimony, who keeps the pets, and who gets the cars, divorce is rarely a completely smooth process for any person going through it. One of the questions that divorcing Chicago parents, in particular, have when they are going through the Chicago divorce process is how to help their children navigate the difficult divorce of their parents. In fact, one divorcing mother recently wrote in to the Chicago Sun Times asking for advice about whether or not to tell her adult children the reason she now wants to get a divorce from her father. But should divorcing parents let their children in on the reasons for the dissolution of the marriage? We explore that question here.
“After Many Years of Trying to Keep Our Family Together, Divorce is Our Final Options…Should I Tell Our University-Age Children about the Affairs?”
“Resentful in Canada” wrote to the Chicago Sun Times with a divorce question for popular advice columnist Dear Abby. Resentful in Canada wrote, “After many years of trying to keep our family together, divorce is our final option. My husband has had two affairs that I know of during our 30-year marriage. They hurt me deeply. We’ve had lots of counseling, but we can’t get past the damage and breakdown in communication.” She went on to add, “Should I tell our university-age children about the affairs? I kept them secret for years because he was a good father, and I didn’t want to ruin my kids’ relationship with their dad. But now that we are breaking up, I’m afraid I may be blamed when our situation is entirely his fault.” Finally Resentful in Canada noted the reasons for wanting to share the information, stating, “I did everything I could to save our marriage, including forgiving the first affair, which happened before our kids were born, and raising what I thought were happy and successful children with him. Now he has blown this up again, and I’m angry he gets to continue having a good relationship with our children. At the same time, I have a good relationship with my elderly father, although I suspect he may have cheated on my mother. After all these years, I don’t know for sure and I’m grateful I don’t. What do you think? Should my children know the real reason why we split?”
The answer? Ask Abby put it plainly, stating that Resentful in Canada’s soon-to-be ex’s “true colors” are soon to be revealed, and encouraging her to not badmouth her children’s father to them. Ask Abby replied, “If your husband is true to form, your children will probably figure out for themselves that their dad has a character flaw. You stated that you are grateful you don’t know the intimate details about your father. That’s why I’m recommending you take a page out of your own book and refrain from the temptation to sling mud at your almost-ex.”
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Source:
chicago.suntimes.com/dear-abby/2024/07/31/dear-abby-siblings-dont-know-dads-affairs-caused-their-parents-divorce