Is Learning about a Spouse’s “Distant Past” a Reason to Get a Divorce? Revelation about Wife’s Past Abuse Causes Husband to Seek Advice from Chicago Sun Times Columnist

What would you do if your spouse of many years came to you with revelations about their past, and that past would have made you think twice about marriage in the first place? And what would you do if that past involved extreme trauma, in which your spouse had been the victim of a crime? These are questions that a confused husband posed to Chicago Sun Time columnist “Ask Abby” this week. The difficult question of what to do after learning about a spouse’s past trauma is one that some married individuals may struggle with, and may cause them to lean towards divorce. But can a marriage be repaired after surprising and unexpected revelations come to light after decades of seemingly otherwise “wedded bliss”? “Ask Abby’s” Abigail Van Buren answers those questions here.

Revelations of Wife’s Past Trauma Causes Husband to Second Guess Marriage

This week, a confused and surprised husband, known as “Thrown in Missouri” wrote in to Chicago Sun Times columnist Abigail Van Buren, or “Ask Abby”, because he recently learned that his wife had been raped when she was 15 years old, and more about her sexual history when she was a teen. “Thrown in Missouri” wrote, “I have been married 27 years with two kids. My wife recently revealed to me that she was raped when she was 14 but said it wasn’t violent. She also said she had several adult partners when she was 15 and 16. We had discussed our past prior to marriage, and these things weren’t mentioned. If they had been, I wouldn’t have married her.” He went on to explain that his feelings for his wife have changed as a result of her disclosure of the information, stating, “I have a hard time even looking at her now. I feel like telling her I want a divorce, but I’m looking for a second opinion about what I should do. “Thrown in Missouri” concluded by asking the advice columnist, “Am I being ridiculous for wanting a divorce over things that happened 35 years ago?”

Is Husband’s thought of Divorce an “Over the Top” Reaction to Revelation of Wife’s Past?

In response to “Thrown in Missouri”, “Ask Abby” underscored that consent laws can be confusing, and “rape is rape”. She also indicated that “Thrown in Missouri” was “over the top” in his reaction that divorce is the logical next step to learning about his wife being the victim of sexual crimes when she was a teenager. “Ask Abby” responded, “Consent laws can be confusing and can change over time, and a lot may depend on the age of each partner. However, rape is rape. When your wife was 15 and 16 an ADULT may have been breaking the law by having sex with her. After all this, she might have benefitted from counseling (if any was offered).” She then went on to advise, “Your wife may not have previously discussed this because she was afraid your reaction would be as over the top as it has been. Before you decide to divorce her for being victimized as a teenager, I urge you to consult a licensed therapist either alone or with her. If you do, it will give you a better perspective.”

Where to Turn if You Have Questions about Your Chicago Divorce 

Whether you agree or disagree with “Ask Abby’s” response to “Thrown in Missouri”, the truth is that divorcing a spouse is a complicated subject, one that is best discussed with an experienced divorce lawyer. If you are in the Chicago area, and you are seeking a divorce, the experienced Chicago divorce lawyers at Arnoux Sharma & Standeford, LLC are here to help. Do not hesitate to speak to an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer about your case today. Contact Arnoux Sharma & Standeford, LLC and learn about your rights and options under Illinois divorce laws now.

Source:

chicago.suntimes.com/dear-abby/2024/10/11/dear-abby-learning-about-wifes-distant-past-makes-me-want-to-divorce-her