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Chicago Tribune Reader Expresses Hesitation to Get Remarried after Divorce, Seeks Advice from “Ask Abby”

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How soon is too soon when it comes to remarrying after a divorce in Chicago? Is it best to wait six months, one year, or several years for things to wind down and for the dust to settle after a Chicago divorce to go down the aisle again, or should a person follow their heart and say “I do” once more as soon as they are ready again, even if it’s less than a few weeks? The truth of the matter is that every recently-divorced person in Chicago’s perspective likely differs when it comes to this question, and while some recent Chicago divorcees may be looking to get lucky in love again, others hesitate to get back out into the dating scene period, let alone think about the next wedding night.

An interested and inquisitive reader wrote-in to a Chicago Tribune advice columnist with this very quandary. “Pausing to Breathe in the East” wrote to Ask Abby in the midst of a new relationship after divorcing her husband of many years. “Pausing to Breathe in the East” explained, “I recently ended an 18-year marriage that should have ended many years earlier. While I was deciding to leave, I met the most wonderful man, ‘Winston.’ He treats me like a queen — the polar opposite of my former husband.” She then went on to add, “My former home was sold during divorce proceedings, and I took Winston up on his offer to move into an empty trailer on his property. We get along so well, and I’m sorry we didn’t meet years ago and have a life together. Winston is my best friend. He has been nothing but respectful since our meeting a year ago. We didn’t take our relationship to the next level until my divorce was final six weeks ago. I have been in the trailer for three months now, and I’m very happy. He lives next door in a house with his sister. Neither she nor he has ever married.” But then here came the punchline. “Pausing to Breathe” wrote, “We have already talked about marriage. He would like us to be married in around six months. I was thinking of getting ENGAGED in six months, simply because I need time to breathe and I’ve gone through a lot with moving, changing my name, changing my address, etc. This has now caused a rift in our relationship. I told Winston I DO want to get married, but I haven’t been divorced even two months yet. I need more time to adjust to such a different, more normal, relationship. Previously, he told me ‘no pressure,’ and he knows I need time, so I was kind of floored when he expressed wanting to get MARRIED in six months.” She then concluded by asking “Ask Abby” if she was being “unreasonable” and what her next steps should be.

So, is there a specific amount of time that “Pausing to Breathe” should wait before marrying again? Maybe not, but “Ask Abby” encouraged her to take a beat. “Ask Abby” answered, “You are fresh out of an unhappy marriage. You met Winston on the rebound. You DO need time to recover and establish who you are before committing to another marriage. You stated that after you told Winston you needed to take your time, it created a “rift.” That is a big red flag, and it does not bode well for what a marriage with him would be like.” She went on to add, “People are advised to make no important decisions for one YEAR after a traumatic event. I concur. Get to know Winston AND HIS SISTER a lot better before walking to the altar. I’m also advising you to find a place other than his trailer to live so you can learn to be independent again.”

If you are in the Chicago area and you have questions about your Chicago divorce, contact the experienced Chicago divorce lawyers at the law firm Arnoux Sharma Standeford, LLC. The experienced Chicago divorce lawyers at the law firm Arnoux Sharma Standeford, LLC are here to help individuals and couples in Chicago with their complex divorce questions. Do not hesitate to speak to an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer about your case today. Contact Arnoux Sharma Standeford, LLC and speak to a lawyer about your case now.

Source:

chicago.suntimes.com/dear-abby/2024/12/14/dear-abby-i-just-got-divorced-and-new-man-pushes-me-to-marry-before-im-ready

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